One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
