he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
They have beer where we have blood.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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