What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
