I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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