I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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