im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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