apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
