Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize