I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
