I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
