No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
