when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
