I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
