Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
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