real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
