Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Found your dick twin last night
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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