well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
