70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize