the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
