you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
