I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
