Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
