i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
