they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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