Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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