Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
