Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
