i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
