Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
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