I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
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