woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize