So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
