This is not my ceiling
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
