someone threw a dead crab at me
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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