Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
