I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
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