i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
