Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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