I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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