i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
