I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
