Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
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