I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Couch. On fire.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
