HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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