You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Randomize
