I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
