Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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