he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
