forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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