It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
