A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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