Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I didn't notice because vodka
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
