You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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