i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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