Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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