She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
