i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
