I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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