i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Ketchup is God's man juice
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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