Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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