we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize