Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
