my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
My vagina just clenched in fear
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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