last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
