Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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