We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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