The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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