Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
