I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
