we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
