I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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