you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
