and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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