how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize