Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
We got so high we made milksteak
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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