I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
