I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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