i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
