this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
