Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
