I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
