Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
