he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
