He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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