Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
