I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
