just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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