She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
