If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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