I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
