Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
