Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
