I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize