We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
