I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Randomize
