Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
