i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
