We named our party play list daddy issues
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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