your thong is hanging out like whoa
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
