Pappa wants mamma naked
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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