You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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