The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
