tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Randomize
