Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize