I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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