Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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