I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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