he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
