Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
