she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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