I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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