I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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