I can't watch pbs sober anymore
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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