those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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