i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
