I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize